Here’s where the self-sufficient self falls apart
Posted by Ashley on November 29th, 2005I’m a bit lonely. The thing is, it’s hard to live a number of time zones away from your family and all the people you grew up with. Bryce truly is my best friend in the world but I am really missing all those years-long friendships with girlfriends — where you knew what each other was like when you were 15 and have seen how you’ve grown up in the intervening years. I wish I had a girlfriend I couldn’t wait to be with and talk about important stuff — someone who challenges me, sharpens me and who calls me on things when I’m off base. It’s not that I don’t have great girlfriends here, but they’re just different from friends you’ve known for a decade.
I realise this all sounds very selfish — and I’m not even sure why I’m blogging about such things to the world. But I read blogs and get occasional emails from friends back home and I miss our closeness (and see them forming new bonds with other friends) and, as the holidays approach, it makes me miss that friendship more. However, I know even if we are reunited, that closeness won’t magically appear; I’ll always be somewhat a stranger when I go home now, having spent so much time in another place. I guess that’s part of living so far away and in another culture — part of my life experience is simply too foreign for old friends to enter into — and part of just being a real grown up. That is, when one’s ‘grown up’ it’s the family that takes over what the friends previously supplied. Being that we’re in sort of a limbo — grown up and married and yet still in graduate school and not having kids — I don’t feel like we’ve achieved a legitimacy in claiming ‘family status’ in some areas — we definitely don’t fit it conventionally.
Anyway, maybe it’s just my INFJ coming out so you needn’t worry about me.